The Relaxed Christmas - How To Make Life Easy, Enjoy Yourself & Be The Christmas Version Of You That You Always Wanted To Be!

A Relaxed, Real-Life Christmas 🎄

Do you know that picture-perfect Christmas with matching pyjamas, handmade everything, and total calm?
 Yes… me neither.

In this episode, I share a relaxed, realistic approach to Christmas — one that still feels magical, but without the pressure, perfectionism, or panic on Christmas Eve.

Inspired by the idea of The Relaxed Woman, I talk about why so many of us feel overwhelmed at Christmas and how we can do things differently this year.

I share six simple pillars for a calmer Christmas, including:

• Identifying your Christmas non-negotiables
• Knowing what always trips you up (and getting ahead of it)
• Why it’s okay to please yourself
• Letting go of comparison
• Going easy on yourself (shop-bought is fine)
• Automating, delegating, eliminating — and faking it till you make it

This episode also holds space for anyone who finds Christmas emotional or complicated.

There’s also a 20% discount code for Stripe & Stare at the end of the episode: BETH20

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it, follow the podcast, or come and follow me on Instagram at Beth Goodrham. Your support really means the world.

Wishing you a calm, kind, and gently magical Christmas 🎄✨

Transcript

0:02

You know that version of Christmas where everyone's serene, smiling and wearing matching pajamas. No, me neither. So today we are building a Christmas that's relaxed, realistic, and still completely magical. Hi, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Beth and I've realized that I don't know why I say that at the start of each episode because if you are listening to this episode, you probably know that already. Anyhow, it is lovely to welcome you here today if you are new, it is fabulous to have you along. I hope that you enjoy this podcast episode and return for future ones. And if you've been here for a while, it is fabulous to have you back. Now, you may have noticed that this podcast episode has the words, the relaxed Christmas in it, and I've called it that after a book that I've recently come across called The Relaxed Woman, which I'll link to in the show notes I thought I'd made a note of the author, but it appears that I haven't, and if you hear me turning a piece of paper over it is because I'm looking at my hurriedly scribbled notes because I wasn't actually planning on recording a Christmas podcast episode, and then I suddenly found that my brain downloaded lots of ideas that I really wanted to share with you. Anyhow, back to the name of this podcast episode. So there's a book called The Relaxed Woman, and basically the author talks about how she's never met a relaxed woman. She's met a busy woman, an overwhelmed woman, a tired woman, but never a relaxed woman. And I thought, Ooh, that would make a really good podcast episode title when it came to Christmas. Now, I dunno about you, but every time I pick up a magazine around Christmas time, I feel totally inadequate, utterly, and totally inadequate. Everyone else looks as if they've got these perfect decorations and this beautifully planned menu, and wonderful board games to play and all the friers of Christmas to just make it truly magical. And recently I watched Meghan Duchess of Sussex at home at Christmas, which I love. I have to say I love her TV series. They're my, guilty secret pleasure and. As much as I love watching them, I do come away thinking, well, unless I'm going to learn how to do origami with wrapping paper and get myself a wax seal and make an advent calendar from scratch and buy lots of gifts to put in it what else did she do? There would've been food involved. Oh, homemade crackers. Unless I'm going to make my own crackers, I am very much going to fall short of the mark. So what I thought I would do is come up with five pillars to make things easy but magical at Christmas time. Now, obviously I'm only talking from my own lived experience, which is why I've kept the pillars quite broad. It's more of a framework, and then you can pad them out, fill in the gaps, join the dots, do whatever to make it work for you. But before we get started, I just want to add the caveat that I am aware that Christmas can be a really, really tricky time for people. It's often a time of great reflection, of deep thought, of missing loved ones. It can often be a first, a first without somebody that was very close to us, and all the emotions that that brings. So whatever Christmas looks like for you. Whatever Christmas means to you, I just want to let you know that I'm holding space for that and sending you lots of love. I hope that you can get through it in as gentler way as possible. Okay, so back to the five pillars. To keep things easy, relaxed, stress-free, and as magical as possible. So the first one is to identify your non-negotiables and make sure that they go on the calendar. Make sure you carve out time for them, because otherwise we can get swept along in the merriness of Christmas and what we think we should be doing and ought to be doing what everybody else is doing. And then our non-negotiables go outta the window, Your non-negotiables may look like going to a church service or a place of worship. It may be working in a shelter. It may be looking after friends and relatives. Mine, I have to say, are not as altruistic as that. My non-negotiables are going for a Christmas Eve run with my friends, having a little Christmas Eve drink at the pub with my family going to Pizza Express, and then coming home and watching Arthur Christmas. I also like to go to a Carol service at our local church a couple of weeks before Christmas, so as long as I've ticked those boxes, I kind of feel that my framework for Christmas is in place. So that's your first pillar, your non-negotiables. The second pillar, and I think this is a really interesting one, is about knowing yourself. What is going to trip you up on Christmas Eve if you haven't done it? So for example, are you like me and you wake up on Christmas Eve and decide that suddenly. All of the beds need to be changed in the entire house, and all of the towels need to be changed in the entire house, even if no one is coming to stay. What is it about that? I do that before I go on holiday as well. I did a reel in the summer about it, and it was amazing the amount of women that agreed with me. If we know that there's something that's going to trip us up on Christmas Eve, we have to deal with it. In advance so that we can go into Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in this lovely, relaxed frame of mind. Another example, it could be that you decide your outfit is rubbish and you simply have to go to town to buy yourself a new outfit. I mean. You know, buying a new outfit in a panic at any time of year is almost a recipe for disaster. But doing it on Christmas Eve is a definite recipe for disaster. Town is busy, town is hot. The stock will be low. Everyone will be frazzled. Because you're in a panic, you won't be able to think clearly. You won't be able to find what you want. And then what happens is you come home with some random purchase, which is probably the wrong size. You don't really like it. You might wear it for 20 minutes. On Christmas day, if you like my mum, you'll have cut the label out so you can't actually return it. But if you haven't cut the label out, you're gonna have to return it. In the new year when the shops are busy, you probably have lost the receipt. So it is a total recipe for disaster. Let's just not go there in the first place. Let's get this figured out way ahead of time. A classic example for me is that on Christmas day, I never have the table looking how I want it to, so I always have to defer to someone else to pull some kind of ball balls combined with a few branches, combined with some fairy lights and a few flamingos together on the table to create some kind of totally random tablescape, and if I just got my act together a bit earlier, it wouldn't trip me up. So that's the second pillar. What's going to trip you up on Christmas Eve or Christmas day if you haven't done it in advance? And there's no point putting our head in the sand on this one because particularly by this age and stage in life, we are such creatures of habit that the same things will come round and round again if you are not sure what these things are ask your husband, partner, wife, close person, child, and they will tell you unapologetically what that thing or those things are that are likely to trip you up. And hopefully if you are listening to this as it drops or during the week that it drops, we're still far enough out from Christmas. For you to get those things sorted. As I mentioned at the start, we are not here for a picture perfect Red magazine, Meghan Duchess of Sussex type Christmas. We're here for a relaxed with a little bit of magic, feeling comfortable, feeling at ease, not overstressed, kind of Christmas. So these two pillars I think are really important. Figuring out your non-negotiables and knowing yourself. Okay, you probably just heard that I turned my piece of paper over there because we are now onto number three, and the third pillar is please yourself. Now, this sounds very selfish, particularly as it's Christmas time where it's meant to be goodwill to all men and putting everybody else first. But I was talking to my friend earlier who grew up in a very traditional Household, and she said Christmas was all about making sure everyone else was okay and sorting them out and she's come to the conclusion that actually sometimes she needs to please herself a little bit because if she's pleased herself and she's happy, then she's much nicer to be around. One easy thing you can do is by yourself, just a few little treats so that in the event that things don't quite go to plan on the day, however, that may look you have a little reserve, like a little first aid kit, a little toolkit of things that you can go and either eat, look at, try on, spray, apply whatever it is to make yourself feel a little bit better. I've got a friend who asked her husband for matches for Christmas, and in her mind she was thinking lovely colored Oliver Bonus matches in a nice glass jar with a cork popup. But no, he didn't quite get the memo on that. And there were some Bryant and me matches or swan vest's, matches, and thoughtful as it was. He'd listened, he'd gone out, he'd bought them, he'd wrapped them. It wasn't quite what my friend had in mind. And everybody has different strengths. Some partners, husband and wives are brilliant at buying presents. For others, their love language is something different. If you happen to share your life with someone whose love language isn't the same as yours, and those things are important to you, then the best thing that you can do is please yourself and make sure you have a few of those lined up. In your top drawer just to make the day go smoothly. Something else that you might want to do is have your favorite snacks to hand if you feel that you're catering for everyone else. I'm meeting their needs and your needs are slightly different. Have your favorite snacks to hand. Have a cheeky gin that may just smooth the way, set aside some time for doing your yoga for years and years and years, our kids have always wanted to get up and go downstairs in an open, present, straight away. My preference is to get up, work out, shower, and then do it. Now, I know that isn't fair, particularly when they're little, but now they're a bit older. When I say a bit older. Nearly 18, 23 and 26. I can probably squeeze the shower in first. In fact, I think I might have managed to do that for the last couple of years because my eldest daughter, Flo, I'm sure she said, look guys, mum just wants to get showered first and feel nice before she comes downstairs and we all open her presents. I think there has been a little bit of moaning and groaning about that. But anyhow, we've reached a compromise on that and I know I'd be much better set up for the day if I went out for half an hour run first, and maybe I just need to get up a little bit earlier in order to do that. But please yourself, have a little bit of pleasing yourself in there. Number four, don't compare yourself as we know, comparison is the thief of joy, and it's also the best way to feel inferior, lacking, and disappointed with your own efforts rather than relaxed, happy, chilled, and magical. So when it comes to Nella walking around in her beautiful lingerie and cooking fabulous meals, that's fine for for Nella, but maybe not so great for Ruth, Jackie, Sarah, Claire, Emma, Beth, Libby, anyone else of that generation who recognizes those names. We also have the beautiful interiors by people on Instagram with these fabulous tablescapes and Christmas trees that have been up since November, and amazing outfits and very creative, decorations and everything handmade. And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not criticizing any of that. I think it's beautiful to look at. I think there's enormous skill out there. There's enormous talent out there. I wish I was inclined to do it. I wish I had the skill to do it. I don't, but I'm not going to compare myself to those people. I understand. That's where they get that absolute joy and I just get mine in different places and my skills lie in different places. And that's fine. That's absolutely fine. Because as part of this, what I don't want to do is put other people down and minimize their skills and say it's all for show. It's not. Those people are hugely talented, but those are not my talents, and so I'm not going to compare myself to them because I will fall short and I will feel miserable. So I'm happy just to know what my limitations and my parameters are and to work within those. The fifth one, which arguably you could say is a little bit similar to please yourself and don't compare yourself is go easy on yourself. I think there is a slight difference to it. So for example, one of the ways in which I go easy on myself is to say, when it comes to Christmas cards, I'm just going to send them to people that I was send birthday cards to, plus a few extras. Whereas my mum will send Christmas cards to the entire world and his wife if she could, but actually it makes her quite stressed I would rather send fewer cards and write a longer note in each one, and that's the way in which I go easy on myself. Another way to go easy on yourself is to, rather than wrap everything perfectly, is to have Christmas bags and just pop things in Christmas bags. There's so many examples of these. Do you remember that book? Was it called, I Dunno how she does it, Alison Pearson. I could be totally making that up, where she felt she was falling short at her kids' school, so she bought them mince pies and bashed them up and sprinkled icing sugar on them. It's that kind of thing. I am just interjecting here. As you can probably tell, the sound is different, but as I was editing this podcast, I had another idea, deconstructed. Anything is really cool right now, and what I'm thinking of in particular is a deconstructed pavlova. If you think about how long it takes to make pavlova. By the time you've bought all the eggs, bought all the sugar, stood there, whisking everything together, cooked it to perfection, which could involve overnight, I know it's doing its own thing in the oven. Whipped the cream, assembled it, put the fruit on la, la, la. You could just go and buy some readymade meringues. Break them up. Put them in a glass together with some pre-done whipped cream or whipped the cream, which doesn't take too long. Some raspberries, little bit of Jew over the top, well, however that comes about out of the tube. Smashing some raspberries together, not bothering at all. There's literally no comparison in terms of time. It's probably something like 16 hours versus 12 minutes, so different. I know you've got to go and buy the ingredients, but you see the point and anything that has the word deconstructed in front of it, it's really cool. So you can go with all kinds of food. It basically means not making it properly in inverted commas and just checking it on a plate or putting it in a glass or putting it in a bowl and passing it off as the latest TikTok trend. Won't we sound cool if we do that? Do whatever you need to do to make it work for you. So that might mean buying your mince pies, not making your cranberry sauce from scratch, not making your bread sauce from scratch. I don't know anything that feels a bit too much like hard work and you don't quite have enough time for it. There's always a quicker, less time consuming alternative. And the bigger point about this is that when you've made that decision, you're comfortable with it, you stick to it, and then you don't go back and compare yourself to others or feel that you've fallen short because you've taken that decision. No, you've decided to do that. That's how you are doing things, and that is fine. That is what's going to help you to have a relaxed Christmas. And frankly, at the end of the day, that's all we're interested in. My sixth pillar is something that I try and do in everyday life in any event, and it's kind of split down into three. And this is the whole automate, delegate, and eliminate process to life. So in terms of automation, the obvious ones are online food, shopping and online Christmas present buying. I was thinking about this earlier when we were kids or when I was a kid, my mom would have to drive into Nottingham, which would take her about an hour to do all the Christmas shopping, which would take her, I don't know, about six hours, and then she'd drive home and that would be another hour. So that would be eight hours to do the Christmas shopping. We could probably achieve the same in probably. An hour and a half. But do we ever sit back and think about that and wonder how we're going to spend all that time that we've saved, which by my reckoning, is six and a half hours if I've done the maths properly. But I could be wrong because I'm trying to think on my feet. So that's quite an interesting one, isn't it? If we're going to automate, then at the same time, we should also take advantage of the time that we have saved by doing the automation and there's lots of things that we can automate in life. We can have our toilet roll on subscription and get that delivered. Random example, I know, but it's true. Cleaning things, we can have those delivered, we can have virtually anything delivered. There's so much of our lives that we can automate. And the obvious things around Christmas time is the online shopping, whether it comes to food or whether it comes to gifts, and then just making sure that we use the time that we've saved wisely. Delegate. This is the second part of pillar number five. We are so fortunate that our 17-year-old daughter loves, loves, loves, loves wrapping presents. She'll come to me and she'll say, mom, don't you still need to buy presents for X, Y, and z? I haven't wrapped those yet. And then we need to make sure we get them in the poster. I'm like, oh, you are my little Christmas elf. Because I have to say I don't love wrapping Christmas presents. I dunno why I think when I've learned how to do origami. Present Wrapping Meghan style. And the wrapping paper is full of pleats and tucks and folds, and it looks like something incredible. Then I'll be very satisfied with my Christmas wrapping, and I can do it. I just don't particularly enjoy doing it. So delegate. What can you delegate to your kids, to other family members? Maybe you could almost just do like a skill swap with your friends. In fact, one of my friends asked me today if I could make some loaves of sourdough bread for her. And it is not that I expect anything in return. I'm very happy to do it, but she does so much in return in any event. She'll go and visit my mom. I, I can't even begin to start the list. But anyhow, you could do a skill swap with friends so that you are playing to your strengths. Then you'll feel more efficient. You'll also be more relaxed. So that's a little bit of a win-win. And then the last thing is to eliminate. So what can you eliminate? The three subsections to this pillar are automate, delegate, and then eliminate. May I suggest that you eliminate the ironing of any bedsheets? Or pillow cases or duvet covers. Now you could be rolling your eyes at me now for one of two reasons. Either to say, Beth, don't be ridiculous. Of course I don't do that. Or Beth, don't be ridiculous. How can you imagine not doing that anyway? Ironing is bad for the environment. Good to be on our feet, but isn't something that has to be done. The thing that we've eliminated this year, and again, there could be some sharp intakes of breath. Here is Christmas dinner. I know for the first time in more years than I can think, we have eliminated the traditional Christmas dinner, and this came about in quite an interesting way. Let me tell you what that was. So my eldest daughter, who lives with a boyfriend, they cooked a roast a few weeks ago, and she rang me and said, mom, I'd got no idea how long it takes to cook a roast. It takes all day. You shouldn't be doing that on Christmas Day. Largely, it's my husband and I, we do it together. She said, I don't think we should have Christmas dinner this year. And I thought, bring it on. That's great. Our son, bless him, is not here this year. It's the first year ever. It hasn't been all five of us. He's in Canada and so it is going to be the two girls, my husband, myself, and my mum. So we are going to have surf and turf prawn cocktail, probably readymade. For information purposes. I think Waitroses does the best ones. I've tested many over the years, so that's easy. And then we're going to have steak. We can still have it with various potato wedges, mash, chip, whoever wants what? That's fine. We can have lots of vegetables. We can have a big salad. I'll still do sticky toffee pudding for dessert, so it'll still be a nice big feast. It is not going to look as if it's not a Christmas dinner, but it's just going to be a different Christmas dinner, which will take a lot less time to prepare and to clear up from. We'll probably have the roast on New Year's Day, so we've sort of moved it, but for the purposes of Christmas Day, that traditional roast has been eliminated, and that feels a really good decision for us for this year. So think about what you can eliminate from your. Christmas preparations, your usual traditions. If they don't fit well with you anymore, just to create some more time and space for you to have this lovely, relaxed, magical Christmas and me being me. Of course there is an extra little pillar on the end. I will run through them all at the end. My last one is fake it till you make it. So what I do, and don't tell anyone that I do this. I make a really nice wreath for the front door. This was something that I learned to do after I'd had my hysterectomy,'cause I had time to learn how to do it. So I'll make a nice wreath for the front door and from the outside I will look like I've got all my ducks in a row. Everything sorted. The assumption will be made rightly or wrongly, but everything behind that front door is calm and relaxed, and I've got everything together just because I've got that wreath on the front door. The reality of course, is there is still. Piles of the week that I haven't opened. There are still receipts that need sorting out. There are bills that need paying. There's stuff that needs to go to the tip. There's stuff that needs to go to the charity shop. There'll be some sourdough starters sitting on the floor somewhere, and the under floor heating that I'm working on, there'll be weights that I haven't put away. There's bound to be some clothes over the banisters and something on the stairs, but from the outside it looks like it's all together. So that's one of my fake it till you make it. Examples. Another great one that I swear by is to leave as many decorations up as you can for the entire year. Fairy lights. We've got lots of fairy lights. We've got a fairy light tree. We've got fairy light stars. I've got ball balls hanging down over the kitchen counter that I leave there all year round or anything. Fairy lighty, a bit boldly or a bit glittery. That can stay up. I'm not gonna take it down. And it's so nice because people will often come into our house anytime of year and go, it feels really Christmasy. And the reason for that is I haven't actually taken the Christmas decorations down. And the good thing about not taking the Christmas decorations down is you don't have to have the effort of putting them back up again either. So that all works wonderfully. So have a think about what you can do that is fake it until you make it. I'd love one of those big bows on the outside of the front door. I think that would look really cool. Basically, anything that looks homemade organized, well thought out and super creative is, a winner in my book and if we achieve those things, we're absolutely. On the Meghan trajectory. So let's just sum up again the five pillars and the bonus sixth pillar so that you can have a relaxed, magical, serene, smiling Christmas. The first thing is to figure out your non-negotiables and get them on the calendar. Get them in there. So your non-negotiables are the things that really make it Christmas for you, and you want to put those on the calendar, whether that's a particular event that you go to, a Carroll service, a church service, whether it's helping people out. Whether it's a concert that you want to go to, whether it's seeing certain people, whatever it is that makes Christmas feel like Christmas to you in a really fun way. That's what I mean by the non-negotiables, the fun Christmas things that if he didn't do them, it just wouldn't have felt like Christmas. So that's the first pillar. The second pillar is know yourself. Know what's going to trip you up and get ahead of it. Whether that's changing all the beds, washing all the towels, needing to figure out your outfit, making sure that you've got certain food in the cupboard. Whatever the pattern is year after year, that trips you up. And like I say, if you're not sure, ask someone close to you. They will happily tell you, get ahead of that. Because that will create so much more time for you and so much more peace as well. The third pillar is please yourself, get yourself a few little gifts so that if Santa doesn't quite deliver in the way that you hope he will, because his love language looks different, which is fine, you've still got those in your back pocket to keep yourself joyous and your day joyous. And of course it's not just about material things, but if it's little rituals that you have that set you up for the day, if it's little bits of meditation, whether it's journaling, do those things please yourself just to keep body and soul together during the Christmas period. The next one is, so the fourth pillar is don't compare yourself to others. It's the thief of joy and it's the best way to feel inferior, lacking, or disappointed. Every year I watch Jamie Oliver, whether he is got 30 days of Christmas or a 10 days of Christmas or whatever, he is gone. And every year I think I'm going to do that next year and do I? Heck no. Of course I don't, but I'm not going to let that ruin my Christmas. Some shop bought things will be fine, and i'm not trying to take this to the other extreme'cause people do that kind of as a badge of honor and like, oh, I'm not gonna make an effort. Of course, we're all going to make an effort, but it's just what's a reasonable effort for you within the parameters of what is possible, given your time and your capability and your skills. The fifth pillar is to go easy on yourself. So if that means cutting things back, if it means no Christmas cards, just emails. If it means no wrapping but using Christmas bags, If it means nothing homemade and everything shop bought great. That's absolutely fine. Pillar six is split into three. So it's automate, delegate, and eliminate. What can you automate and then what are you going to do with the time that you've saved by the automation? That's the key thing. How are you going to spend that time delegate? Who can you give something to to do for you, or who could you do a skill swap with to make life a little bit easier and then eliminate what do you really actually not need to do? I'm sure there's things that I do at Christmas time just to make life difficult for myself, and the reality is they don't need doing. So figure out what those are and don't bother. Just leave well alone and finally fake it until you make it. A few frills around the edges can really distract from what's going on underneath or what's going on behind the front door or what's going on somewhere else. So if that means buying a nice wreath. Or making a nice wreath, so it looks as if the whole of your house is beautifully decorated, that's great. If it means leaving decorations up all year, that's great. One thing that I've done is to pull all the clothes that I want to wear over Christmas together on a rail. I'm kind of faking it until I make it. I might wear them, but I might not. I might just wear my jeans the entire time. But the idea is there is that general kind of, let's put a little bit of effort in so we give the impression that we are sorted even if we are not. And maybe we shouldn't be doing that at all, but that's how I operate. That makes me feel a little bit happier. So I hope that you've enjoyed this podcast episode that I've just snuck in here. Amongst the other episodes that I've got lined up for you. If this is the first time you've been here, I hope you've enjoyed this episode, and if you are a regular listener, then thank you so much for joining. I hope that you can take a little bit of wisdom or something positive away from this podcast, even if it's only to go and watch the Meghan at home. Christmas. I think that's what it's called,, because I have to say I loved it. I thought it was great. It's just that I'm not going to be doing origami paper this year and I don't have a wax stamp and I haven't made an handmade advent calendar and I haven't made homemade crackers. In fact, I don't have any crackers at all, but it's still a nice program to watch. Most of all, I hope your Christmas preparations are going well. I hope that you're feeling calm and grounded, and even if it's feeling a bit frenetic, it's only a couple of days. I'm sure there's not much that I can teach you that you don't know already. We've all been here doing Christmas for quite a long time now, I would imagine. But I just thought that these few little pillars might help. Might make you smile and If you think anyone that you know might benefit from it, please ping it their way. That would be fabulous. And until next time, I will send you lots of love and wish you a Merry Christmas. A new episode will be dropping 4:00 AM next Monday morning. It will be there ready for you when you wake up, and I hope that you really enjoy it. Oh, and before I go, I do have a 20% discount code for stripe and stair knickers, pajamas, underwear, anything on their website, which you are very welcome to use. It's Beth 20. Just enter that checkout for 20% off if you are looking either for some last minute gifts or this could fall under pillar number. What was it? Three, please yourself. Have a nice new pair of knickers or some new pajamas ready for you to wear on Christmas Day to make you feel beautiful and serene and as if you've got this, because you surely have you. Take care. Lots of love and bye for now.