Episode 17: Who's That Girl? Which Parts Of Your Identity Are You Ready To Let Go?

Recently it struck me how going on holiday is a brilliant opportunity for people to re-invent themselves (especially if they're a teenager!) They're free to shake off the shackles of being known as the nerdy one,  or the one who had bad skin, or the one who needed a brace. And it got me thinking....if we all had a clean sheet of paper and could start again from scratch, what parts of our identity would we let go too? Take a listen to find out how this might unfold in the real world.

Transcript

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Hi ladies, how are you? I hope you're doing really well. I'm recording this podcast episode on a Sunday afternoon, I'm going to go see the Barbie film. And there were little while, but I wanted to get some podcast episodes. In the bag before I go away on my holiday to Greece on Tuesday. And today I wanted to talk to you about your identity. This podcast episode is called who's that girl as a reference to the Madonna song. But specifically, I'm going to be talking to you about any parts of your identity that you might want to leave behind. This came about when I was on a recent holiday with my youngest daughter in Cornwall. I'll get to that in a second. But before I do. Uh, do you think it's my duty to say to you and to ask you whether you have seen on Netflix, the wham documentary? Oh my goodness. It is amazing. If you haven't seen it, definitely put it on your to-do list because it is so good. And what really comes through is how amazing Andrew richly is. His role in life. And he talks about this and it comes through quite clearly, was really to be a springboard to George Michael's greater skill. Um, Bishan whatever you want to call it. So, although it was Andrew Ridgeley, who decided from the first time they met at secondary school, when they were fairly young. That he wanted to be in a band with George Michael. He was then the one who stepped aside to allow George Michael to go on to do amazing things with his life. And it is so humbling. I just so interesting. To see how someone at such a young age had so much self-awareness. And was so incredible towards their friend and it live aid. He says something about, I could see that he needed to be on the stage. And Andrew originally fought with his own ego because he knew he was taking a step backwards in order to allow George Michael to take several steps forward. So the whole thing, the whole dynamic and the story and the unseen footage is really, really fab. If you were a one fan or even if you weren't a one farm. Do you go and take a look because it's amazing. And then the other thing that has just come out is series three of sweet Magnolias. Now, if you're looking for a little bit of lighthearted, Netflix type entertainment, To have on whilst your working or to sit and watch properly or whilst you're cooking or whatever, then. Sweet Magnolias could be for you. That's all. I'll say the fact that I've got to the third series and I'm still watching it. Probably tells you all, you need to know about me. And all you need to know about it as well. So if you haven't had it. Don't have it. Anyway today, like I said, the title of this episode is called who's that girl. And it's about which parts of your identity. Are you ready to leave behind now? I was on holiday recently with my daughter in Cornwall and we were walking along the beach. It was for once. Oh, hot sunny day. And we saw a boy who was probably 15 or so in his wet suit. It got the top down. Hello. Quite cool, but he looked a little bit awkward. And I just wondered. How he was thought of at home. It struck me. And I said this to my daughter, how incredible holidays are for reinventing yourself and how, when he was away from home, he could be anybody. That he wanted to be. Now when we're at home, we're kind of in a box with layers having built up around us based on what we're known for. So, for example, I was thinking at school, he might be the kid who wets himself at the school, Christmas play ones. Everyone knows that about him. And it's kind of stuck with him. Or he could be the kid who had really bad skin until he grew out of it. Or sticky out teeth until he had them straightened. Whereas when he goes away, he's just the kid with the Starkey curly ginger hair. Who's on the beach and his wet suit. Looking to have a little bit of fun. He can be whoever he wants to be and nobody would know any different. And I think there's an absolute freedom. That comes with that. Almost like starting from scratch and casting away, that cloak that you're known for at home and particularly at school, you know how the kids get labeled. It's like, you're the clever one. You're the nerdy one. You're the ones with the glasses. You're the one, who's a dead legged sport. You're the sporty one. And generally, if those labels are quite positive, like you're the sporty one. That's great. But if not, it's not a great box for kids to be in. And I just thought how amazing when you go away on holiday that you can just start again. You can reinvent yourself. You could absolutely be who you want to be and step outside all an, any of those defining criteria. And take on a new persona. Just like John Travolta did in Greece. Although on reflection, maybe John Travolta was his true self when he was with Sandy on the beach. And the way he behaved when he met her at the bonfire, wasn't him at all, but rather than act for his mate anyway. You get the point. But back to the boy. Anyone who met this burn holiday would get to know him simply due to his qualities as they were in the moment. Rather than anything that went before him such as a nickname or being someone's older brother or younger brother, the kid who plays the violin, the kid who wants wet himself at the Christmas play. And then it got me thinking how this can apply to us, whatever sex we are and whatever age. And I thought, I guess it's a little bit like Shirley Valentine when she went on her holiday and completely redefined herself. And it also got me thinking about how people would act if they didn't feel that they had expectations put on them. By the roles they held in knife. Such as an employee, a wife, a mother, a doctor, a younger sibling and oldest sibling. Only one girl amongst six brothers. What would they do differently? Would they throw caution to the wind? A little more or take up space more or speak up more or be less compliant or feel less like they had to be in control and organized all of the time. Or how would they act if they felt that they could throw off the characteristics that define them? Um, which they had come to be known by. Such as being known as the quiet one at a party or the confident one or the one who always held back or the one who always took charge. See people grow and change over the years, but it's not always recognized by others. And I've certainly have some conversations with friends recently who know. For a fact that the way they respond to a situation now, It's possibly very different from how they perhaps did 10 years ago, but it somehow is if the people around them have frozen in time and just don't see it. So that's not the same as saying that if they went on holiday, any anyone would be a completely different person and create a whole false persona. But if they wanted to go them, But it would be like having a blank sheet of paper. And simply deciding which parts of yourself you wanted to carry with you moving forward. And which parts. You would choose to leave behind. Which parts do you find burdensome to carry and which parts feel light and positive and you embrace them and think to yourself, Ooh. I'd like to be known as a little bit more of that. I was reading a book recently and it was a discussion about Virginia Wolf. And she had a part of herself called the angel in the house. And I'm just going to read you what it says about that, because I find that really interesting. The angel in the house was the part of herself that told her she was selfish and wrong to want to be a writer and to express her opinion. The angel in the house is a martyr who devotes herself to her household and has no ones or needs of her own. If there was a chicken, she took the leg. If there was a draft. She sat in it. The angel in the house is not only self-sacrificing. She actively seeks out misery and makes life difficult for herself. This Phantom began to bias. Wolf's work to the extent that it paralyzed her. The shadow of her wings fell on my page. I heard the rustling of her skirts in the room. And so in her imagination, Wolf does what she must do and kills her. Had I not killed her. She would've killed me. Now I thought that was so interesting. Are there any parts of you that. I mean, there's quite extreme to kill parts of yourself. But that are really burdensome that are really holding you back, that you feel ready to let go. And I was thinking which parts of myself I would choose to leave behind. If I had a clean piece of paper in front of me. And I concluded that there wasn't really anything that I felt. I was put on me externally that I'm not happy to carry. I love all the roles that I have in life. I love being a wife and a mother, a daughter, a sister, a niece, a friend, et cetera. They're all roles that I left to carry, and I don't feel that they define me in a way that doesn't make me happy. But what I would leave behind. Was feeling that I was in a bit of a box of my own making. I'd maybe wipe out some of the constraints I placed on myself and which can make me feel a little unsettled. The need to strive to prove myself to contribute more. Because frankly, they are responsibilities. I put on myself, which don't really serve me. I would throw caution to the wind more. I try out new things. I'll be a little more carefree and free spirited. I guess I just throw off the responsibilities of everyday life that I put on myself. But then again, that's what holidays are for. And I'm not saying here that any of us should go off and be selfish. But I do think it's about just observing. What we might be telling ourselves what we might be saying to ourselves. What heavy weights we're putting on our shoulders. You know, sometimes it's like we're going through life with a massive backpack on our bags. And it's entirely of our own making. So, what would you take out of the backpack and what would you choose to leave behind? And which parts would you choose to enhance a little bit more? So I'll leave you with that to ponder and invite you to have a think about what roles or characteristics. You might choose to leave behind if you were starting from scratch again. And there's no right or wrong here. It's just something to think about. And it all came about because of the 15 year old boy that we walked by on the beach and who I looked at and thought. Hmm. Who are you at home? What do people say about you at school? How would you feel about that? And are you ready just to go do something different on your holiday? Okay, ladies, I hope you've enjoyed this little podcast episode and that it's given you some food for thought. Have a fabulous week and I will be back again with you soon. You take care, lots of love and bye for now.